Have you ever doubted your own effectiveness? If you've read any of my previous entries, you know that that's been my struggle during my tenure in Indianapolis. I left Michigan where I was somewhat of a "somebody." Don't get me wrong. I wasn't a celebrity, but I did have a fairly decent reputation for being a stellar person. (Does that make me shallow for saying that?) I'm over that, though. That was then, this is now. I'm a new person with new purpose.

I guess, the next question is, "What is that purpose?" To be honest, at this very moment, I cannot accurately and definitely articulate my purpose. I have an advanced degree in music. I serve as the Minister of Music at my church. Is my purpose in life to be a choir director? I have a degree in business and work in the financial industry. Is my purpose in life to be a financial consultant or a stock broker? I have a knack for putting functions and affairs together on a large and small scale. Is my purpose in life to be an event coordinator? I love to write and design. Does destiny say I'm supposed to work for a newspaper? Or, am I supposed to use all of these gifts and talents in one single job for the sake of ministry? I don't know. I just don't know.

"You are the salt of the earth. But what good is salt if it has lost its flavor? Can you make it useful again? It will be thrown out and trampled underfoot as worthless. You are the light of the world-like a city on a mountain, glowing in the night for all to see. Don't hide your light under a basket! Instead, put it on a stand and let it shine for all. In the same way, let your good deeds shine out for all to see, so that everyone will praise your heavenly Father." (Matthew 5:13 NLT)

With my wedding coming up and my life about to take another drastic turn, I need to get some direction. I need to hear from God! And then I laugh. We often say that we need and want to hear from God, but rarely do we listen for His voice. I pray. I tell God about my problems. I even plead with Him for solutions to my every day situations. Do I listen for His response? I can't say that I always do. That's when God has to find ways to get our attention.

A few weekends ago, I attended a concert in Kokomo, Indiana. It's not too far from Indianapolis. It's not too close either. A young friend of mine was the host. Plus, I just wanted to hear some good singing. Good gospel music is what I enjoy. I don't get enough chances to do activities like that. So, I decided I would go. Many of the local groups in "The Apostolic Circle" were there. And they sang some of the same songs familiar to "The A Circle." Sadly that night, it wasn't the music that stuck with me. It was the move of God that came in after all the groups had sung their songs and left. The presence of God was so thick in that place.

And then God spoke to me (through another sister). It was told to me that my influence is far greater than I see. I knew it had to be from God. Only God had known that I had been struggling with the ho-hum, day-to-day routine of Indianapolis. I felt like I wasn't having an impact on anything or anyone. I wasn't heartbroken over the fact that I didn't see the difference I was making. I was just disappointed. If I never had any affect on anyone before, I guess I wouldn't be bothered. But since I was used to being a mover and a shaker, I began to miss it all.

That night, though, confirmation was given. It didn't matter what I thought about it all. God was in the middle of using me to do something great. Just because my natural eyes could not see the benefit of my existence did not mean that my presence wasn't important. It was told to me that people are watching me. And people are taking notice of what I am doing. Those words alone gave me a lift that I had not felt in a long time.

I've said all that to make this point. It's not about being the most popular. It's not about having the most friends. It's about your influence or your affect on people. Even if you never get a chance to be on stage, you still perform daily on the stage of life. People are watching you. People notice when you do good. And people really notice when you do bad. Be careful of the company you keep. And always stay on your toes. The life you lead is the best witness you have.